


I Promised, Didn't I?

by WBAD_World



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28914135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WBAD_World/pseuds/WBAD_World
Summary: "Stupid of me to expect something more. Compassion, concern… You know none of those things, don't you? You're not human, after all. Even your name isn't human. You're just… nothing. You're worthless. Cruel, selfish woman." The truth always hurt, didn't it?
Relationships: C.C./Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia
Kudos: 17





	I Promised, Didn't I?

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Blatant canon divergence. VERY angsty Lelouch & C.C… Possibly OOC. Also, lots of cheese. xD
> 
> For Anon's fanfic request on Tumblr :)
> 
> Request:  
> simple cluclu au where lelouch snaps at cc like he did in the earlier eps of code geass and said some hurtful words but he has done it too much that it actually started to affect cc hurt/comfort!

_She fixed her eyes on the wall a little ways behind him, letting the dull purple paint distract her however it could from the accusations and insults flying out of her contractor's mouth. Not that this was the first time. She'd come to accept long ago that after you've lived for as long as she had, you'd have to have heard it all._

" _No! I don't need your help. Not from you. Not from the woman who brought me ruin and despair. You're a monster! Do you know that? Making contracts with people as you please. Having no regard for their well-being." A cruel and mocking chuckle interrupted his tirade as he corrected himself. "Stupid of me to expect something more. Compassion, concern… You know none of those things, don't you? You're not human, after all. Even your name isn't human. You're just… nothing. Because of you Shirley was─"_

_With an enraged cry, his precious chess board clattered to the floor ─ its chess pieces scattering with the queen rolling away from the rest to disappear into the darkness underneath his chest of drawers. She buried her face into Cheese-kun's soft fur, refusing to give him the satisfaction of eye-to-eye contact. Or maybe she was just being cowardly. Either way, she didn't want to see the obvious judgment in his eyes._

_He was out the door not long after, she knew just as well that he would have slammed that bedroom door if he could._

_Otherworldly silence suddenly filled the empty space, remnants of his fury crackling in the air._

" _You're worthless. Cruel, selfish woman."_

_C.C. chose to ignore it all,_ especially _his words ― chose to disregard the fissures spreading across a heart that was already riddled with scars and shriveled with age. She didn't want it to, but his words echoed in her ears anyway, like some sick record forced to rewind over and over again._

_The truth always hurt, didn't it?_

vVvVv

They never spoke of that incident again; let days and weeks pass them by in blurs. For all her passiveness, C.C. couldn't quite forget it.

Even after all they'd been through together, those words echoed in her head. He never apologized, never so much as referred to that one time. Even after he'd persuaded her 'to not die' who was to say it wasn't part of his manipulation? Part of him convincing her to abandon what she'd known and held on to. Had he successfully deceived her? The worst part was that she let him.

She chose to stay with him… Partake of the lies that fell unbidden from such a silvery tongue. From a man so practiced in deceit.

She was just human after all… He had been right. Her treacherous heart unwittingly fell for him, for the stupid boy so consumed in his ideals and visions for a better future. How foolish of her to believe that there was room in his heart for someone like her. He had his friends, Suzaku, Nunnally, the world… C.C. wasn't part of _this_ world. He said so himself, right?

It was funny sometimes whenever she looked back and then watched her present and realized how far they'd come. In the span of two years, her contractor had transformed from lowly commoner into sovereign Emperor. And he'd done it all through savage wit, severe betrayal and manipulation, and his Geass. The very same accursed power she had offered him. The power that stripped him of his loved ones.

He was right to imply and insist on her selfishness. Wasn't she planning to shelter him long enough to let his Geass evolve into what it was now, and then coax him into killing her to take her power? She'd offered him that chance in the Thought Elevator. And he had refused it. She had been stupid to believe he refused to do it because he was kind. Who was there to disprove that he wasn't using her now to further his own end and achieve what he wanted?

A short cruel bark of laughter erupted from her as she clutched Cheese-kun tighter and buried her sob into her plush.

His kindness and his concern towards her was just an obvious means to an end for him, wasn't it? It was to ensure her loyalty so she wouldn't do anything to ruin his Zero Requiem. A facade was all it was, but she took the lies anyway, if only for the sake of her fragile and now, perfectly human heart.

The door to the private quarters hissed open, inviting the lonely Emperor himself to come in. Schooling her expression into nonchalance, she carefully watched as he deposited himself on the edge of the bed ― shoulders drooped, head bowed, visibly downcast from the new piece of information they'd found out earlier today.

That's right… His sister was alive and well after all. Her very life was the greatest threat to the completion of the Requiem, because C.C. knew, of all people, that Lelouch lived and breathed for the sake of his sister. One of the reasons for his revolution and his push for radical change was his sister. He'd chosen this path in the first place because he believed his sister was dead, and he had nothing left to lose. She may have been consumed in her own thoughts, but she'd heard the shouting outside the room. She'd heard Suzaku's stance and logic, and knew that Lelouch's resolve was dented and cracked no thanks to Schneizel's masterful maneuvering.

Look at the two of them… A witch and a demon drowning in their own brand of despair.

Resigning herself to the role of comforter yet again, she wordlessly gave him her consolation and the solidarity he needed. Resting against his back with her hand over a very tense fist, she listened and waited and bottled her own selfish sorrows until his hand relaxed. She told him to get some rest as she rose from that bed, and he looked at her strangely ― as if there was something he wanted to say. For the briefest of moments, hope bloomed in her chest, but she choked it and let it die.

A good thing too… Because he kept his silence and followed her advice.

He slept… C.C. left him alone instead.

vVvVv

" _No! I don't need your help. Not from you. Not from the woman who brought me ruin and despair. You're a monster! Do you know that?"_

" _You're a selfish and cruel woman."_

"This was what you meant."

She didn't turn to acknowledge him or his words, refusing to tear her eyes away from the sole garden at the lavish estate in Tokyo that the Emperor of the world claimed for himself. It was actually quite modest ― a design and arrangement unworthy of his majesty. The fact that he was here in the room with her now meant the suffering had worsened, reaching the point of humbling himself enough to seek company. He had been wallowing in sorrow ever since the final battle. Oh, his facade was perfect in front of billions of subjects, but in privacy, she'd seen him crumble.

The Emperor of the world, for all his glory and majesty, fell victim to insomnia and the multitude of inner demons that plagued him at every waking hour.

Had she been more like Nunnally or his classmate, Shirley, perhaps she would have been capable of providing adequate comfort. She was a sorry excuse for an accomplice. Some shield _she_ was ― more like the enabler of all his despair. And the root of it too. None of his lies will change that fact.

"When you told me the power of the king would condemn me to a life of solitude, I… I underestimated how much..." He cut himself off at the slightest break in his voice, lifting his head in hopes of seeing his accomplice or any sliver of solace from her.

But there was none… None that he could see when she had her back turned to him. Of course, why should _he_ deserve any form of comfort from her? Hadn't he ruined and damaged enough? When he forced everyone to abandon and leave him for their own sake and to save them from the monster he'd become, he'd dragged two people with him. Two, to share in his suffering and penance. Such a selfish creature to the very end.

"But there is no use in dwelling on what might have been. All I have are the consequences of my own actions."

"And there is none to blame but me."

Her words, no matter how quiet, drew his attention. She could feel the weight of his gaze on the back of her head, multiplying her fears and her doubts ― inwardly cursing herself for letting vulnerability show, no matter how brief it had been.

"What?"

A cruel smile graced her lips, throwing a catty glance at him over her shoulder ― choosing indifference over the pain that lanced through her heart whenever she thought off how alone she was, and how it would hurt once he too, would be taken from her. It was shameful to admit unrequited love, wasn't it?

"Am I not the bringer of your despair? I am the monster who has made you into what you are." She should stop… It was best to shut up. _Shut up… Shut up_. "You shouldn't put the blame on yourself, Lelouch. Not when I'm here. You have been stripped of all you loved and treasured, and it's because of me. Because I manipulated you into accepting your geass. Because I lied to you, and―"

Lelouch wasn't sure when the listening had devolved into simply hearing. Her words faded into white noise as the force of her confession barreled into him; like hooks dredging up memory after memory of the past two years. The ones he'd buried and the ones he let himself live with. They all came bobbing to the surface, _taunting_ him for his naivety and for the words he'd thrown at her.

" _You're a monster..."_

" _You're just… nothing..."_

" _You're not human, are you?"_

" _I don't understand why anyone would want you."_

" _You're worthless."_

" _Cruel, selfish woman."_

He would have laughed at the irony of it all, if his own heart didn't feel so heavy. He'd accused her and degraded her ruthlessly, and every word that flew from his lips was a perfect description of what he was now, and what his legacy would be.

_He_ was a monster. His _name_ would be nothing. _He_ wouldn't be remembered as human after this. _No one_ wanted him or to be associated with him. _He_ was a worthless older brother, friend, and leader. Cruel, _selfish_ Lelouch.

C.C. didn't deserve it. She had her fair share of shortcomings and mistakes through her own life. But to say that the outcome of his actions was _her fault?_ He didn't think so. Everything that had happened was but a consequence of his own doing. Everything else that followed after she gave him his Geass had been _his_ choice. And _she_ stuck through his ideals even when they both knew she shouldn't have to.

All of that he wanted to say, and he couldn't even articulate these thoughts. Faced with sorrow, longing, and guilt ― all rolled into one. Would she forgive him, if he asked? He hadn't even realized how close he was to her; barely even noticed or remembered the moment when his legs gathered the will to stand and approach the dejected immortal witch. He didn't even register that she had taken up silence once again.

It was just… She had been talking and talking ― baring her true feelings until the silvery tears started falling from her eyes. And he couldn't _stand_ witnessing her weep. So many people were already grieving because of him. Was she supposed to be one of them as well? What sort of warlock endangered and belittled his witch? What kind of man would hurt the woman he loved?

Throat tight, C.C. tried in vain to school her expressions back into neutrality ― to rally her runaway feelings back into a tight box, secured with bolts where they would _never_ have to come out and embarrass _her_ or burden _him_. Really, he shouldn't have to bother further. The weight of the world (and it's future) rode on his shoulders ― was in his hands.

Still, the resolve crumbled all the same when he tenderly brushed his fingers across her cheeks. They came away wet. And she didn't even know she'd been crying. For the first time through this entire conversation, she dared to _look_ ― _dared_ to seek _something hidden_ in those expressive eyes. They were wet. And they bored into her aching soul all the same.

In a shaking and broken voice, he told her, "I'm sorry."

What was he even apologizing for?

Her mind heavily disputed, but her heart knew the truth. With a quiet sob, she surrendered and fell into his arms. Her own hands reached up and clutched the folds of his snow white robes, holding a broken and grieving man ― offering him comfort in spite of her own despair. His shoulders trembled as he apologized over and over, uttering two words that were so short and little, but meant so much. Not just to her, but to him too.

She never deserved his resentment. If anything, she was worthy of the opposite. Unconditional love ― her secret and _only_ wish. She wasn't a monster, she was a queen ― _his_ queen and his equal. Human, in every sense of the word. _Not_ 'nothing' or worthless, but cherished and valued. Not unwanted, for Lelouch vi Britannia wanted the witch. Most certainly not cruel or wholly selfish.

He was recreating the world for everyone else ― that included _her_ too. So she could _live_. Well and _truly live_ , not just exist.

Holding her tighter, he nuzzled her cheek and whispered his own confession against her lips. "Perhaps it would be selfish of me. I've let loved ones go for their sake. But forgive me, C.C., because I am incapable of extending the same courtesy to you." He just… _couldn't_ bear the thought of being well and _truly_ alone. She would be better off without him, he knew. But he didn't want to.

"Foolish young man." She chided gently. "Did I not promise to stay with you until the very end?"

_I belong with you_ …

Yes. Yes, she did promise. She stuck to that vow, and _he_ couldn't even make her smile?

"Were you telling the truth?" She asked in a hesitant whisper. "When you promised a smile that I never got to have. Was that the truth?"

Yes, it was the truth. _His_ truth. There was another one that he hadn't so much as alluded to, and he didn't feel like telling her outright. He didn't deserve to, and another reason was because it was poised to bring more pain than needed.

So no matter that he wanted to do more, he simply settled for a fond smile, wrapping his arms around her for the second time with all the emotion and affection he could muster.

"What do you think?"

=OoOoO=

The sky showed bright and blue, and cloudless. The perfect mark to begin the dawn of a new age ― one of peace, unity, and harmony. An age achieved through the death of one flawed man and his powerful ideals. The world he knew grew smaller and smaller, drifting further into oblivion. All of it; from a grieving Nunnally to a Suzaku clad head to toe in Zero regalia to the cheering crowds.

He was going to spend eternity in the depths of a black abyss, wasn't he? Such an end was only fitting for a man who caused so much ruckus and caused plenty of innocent lives to suffer. Zero Requiem was his penance and his favor to the world ― rid the world of him and his sins. Heavy lids slowly closed and he landed in familiar arms. Her soft voice was comforting and reassuring. Their fingers intertwined as she embraced him in the midst of this sea of nothingness.

Only past death did he find the courage to speak his mind and whisper what he wanted to say. That he was sorry he hurt her and gave her so much pain. That he loved her after all and after everything they'd been through. He opened his eyes to see her smile and the translucent tears glimmering in her eyes. She held his hand tighter and lightly kissed his lips, admitting at long last that she felt the same.

He would never see or taste life again ― his consciousness lost in the void that was the World of C, but in this, at least, a part of her was with him for eternity now. This, he was grateful for as he embraced her and peppered her face with the softest kisses, loving and cherishing his witch even in death.


End file.
